Monday, July 22, 2013

Pissing Contest

This may not be politically correct, but I have decided that parenting is a pissing contest. 
Seriously, don’t you feel like you are always in a power struggle with your little people? It gets really old, doesn’t it? The same issues, day in and day out. It can really wear you down. So, I have developed some standard responses to my young challengers:

~I’ll be the mom today. 
~Sorry, you’re not old enough to vote, so you’re not allowed to veto. 

~I didn’t receive your part of the mortgage, so you can not do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want, in my house. 

~One of us is going to win this, I bet it’s gonna be me. How much are you willing to wager?

~Google Andrea Yates and then decide if you want to keep pushing me.  

 ~I haven’t heard from your attorney, so your appeal is denied.

~If I am so dumb, how come I have all the power?  

~Just fill out the complaint form and put it in the box marked ‘garbage’.

And my very favorite: 

~As the warden of this prison, I get to see the sunshine, taste the steak, and smell the flowers. Keep it up kid, and you won’t be able to say the same.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Can I PLEASE get on a waiting list???

What follows is an email I sent to Waste Management Customer Care last Friday.

Dear Waste Management,

As you are probably aware, the yard waste containers are back ordered. When I call Waste Management to inquire about a waiting list, I am informed that I must pay for the service in order to be on the list.

Before you email me back with the standard, "the can is a courtesy, we don't charge you for" b.s., allow me to point out that you provide the can normally (therefore, some of us don't have extra cans or lawn bags and don't want to spend money on something that you normally provide, and will provide when they come in). It feels sorta like giving me a bowl of soup without a spoon, and then telling me I can not complain because you weren't going to charge me for the spoon.

And yes, I am aware that I can call you every morning to see if they have arrived, but as your customer care specialists have pointed out, it is unlikely that I will get one because I am not on the list.

Now that we have covered the standard reply when I call your company, let me tell you my issue:

I don't mind waiting for a yard waste container while they are being ordered. However, I do mind being charged for a service I can not utilize. I take great issue with the fact that you would require me to pay for the service or not allow me to be put on a waiting list. I would like to think that my standing, as a long time customer of Waste Management, would have more value to you.

I would like to suggest that you generate a list for your loyal customers, without making them pay for it. Please allow me to point out two things for you: A list is free, so it cost you nothing to show consideration for your customers and provide a courtesy list. And that this situation isn't created by any failure on the part of your customers, but because you can't provide a component of a service that you offer.

Thank you for taking your time to help solve this issue. I look forward to finding a workable solution that doesn't require me to pay to be on a waiting list.

Guess who got a yard waste container yesterday...