“When are we
taking our yearly vacation?” my littlest ball of sunshine asks. Yearly
vacation????? I think to myself. We don’t vacation.
I can’t take
my darlings to the local grocery store without them fighting, and they want to
take a vacation? Not on your life, I think. If I go on a vacation it is going
to be a fight free, complaint free, kid free adventure. I am not trapping myself
in a car, or on a plane, or in a boat, or on a train with my argumentative little
monsters. On my imaginary retreat I will not hear: “He’s touching me,” “She’s staring at me,” “I
don’t want to do that,” “I don’t want to go there,” “Make him stop copying me,”
“Make him stop copying me,” “I have to pee again,” or “Are we there yet?”
My idea of
the perfect family vacation comes a lot closer to fruity summer drinks, a
cabana, a massage, and a pool boy (ok, he’s negotiable). Ha, you're there
already. Well, wait for me. I have to get my bikini. Hey, it’s my fantasy
vacation, so I get to be a size two.
“So,” my littlest
bundle of positive energy sucks me out of my perfect fantasy escape, “when are
we taking our yearly vacation?”
Not wanting
to disillusion my youngest bundle of love because he is the only one who still
thinks I am fabulous, I say, “Remind me honey, where did we go last year?”
“The same
place we go every year,” he explains to me in the same voice he uses when we go
visit his ninety-eight year old papa, “Seattle.”
“You're right,” I lie, “now, I remember. We
had so much fun, didn’t we?”
I know, I
know, it was wrong, but who am I to strip him of his treasured childhood
memories. Even if they aren’t real, they are good ones. And believe me, he’s gonna
need those fake ones. The reality around here isn’t so pretty.
And we
actually did go on a vacation to Seattle a few years back. So, it isn’t like a complete lie. Well, the yearly
part is certainly a fabrication. That one and only family vacation inspired me
to develop the perfect family vacation criteria.
But I can’t
break his sweet little heart with these sad truths, so I sadly explain, “we
probably won’t make it this year, sweetheart. Oh, and before I forget, we lost
the pictures of your first birthday party.
But, in case you can’t remember, We had a clown.“