I decided to begin the New Year with a healthier attitude
towards diet and exercise. See, I hate exercise. I am basically a very lazy
girl who was cheated genetically with the metabolism of a sloth. Other people
seem to be able to down large amounts of wonderful, decadent, calorie laden
food while still staying lean. I, however, am engaged in a constant battle with
the zipper on my jeans.
My idea
of a perfect meal begins with a cupcake as an appetizer. Previously, when I
have committed to the “battle of the bulge” I would simply stop eating food
along with the large amount of sugar I consume. I don’t care about food. I
don’t overindulge on food. A pork chop does not excite me. I could go endless years
without a potato. Seriously, aren’t
vegetables something you drown in ranch dressing? Food just isn’t an issue for
me. Unless… it is covered in sugar. Then
I could easily overdose on a sugar high. I love cake for breakfast. I need to
satisfy my sweet tooth with confections covered in chocolate. I adore skipping
the lunch segment of lunch and jumping right into the hot fudge sundae portion.
I think that cookies prove that there are many different kinds of heaven.
But I really
do want to live to a ripe old age with multitudes of grandbabies bouncing on my
knee. I also want to be active well into my golden years and experience life
without the aid of insulin and scooter chairs. I have decided, like many of
you, that I will embrace a healthier lifestyle. I have committed to a regime of
healthy living with nutritious food and daily exercise. I can’t say it has been
easy, but I was diligent these last few weeks and have successfully stuck with
the program. I had mostly convinced myself that I wasn’t even missing the
sinfully pagan ways of my sugar loving old self, until my husband woke me from a deliriously
happy dream last night. He said I was moaning a sexy little moan and was
wondering if maybe I was dreaming of him. I smiled a sleepy smile, trying to
slip back into my delectable dream, and replied much to his disappointment,
that I wasn’t dreaming of him; I was dreaming of oatmeal. Yup, oatmeal.
No comments:
Post a Comment