The Perfect Family Vacation

            “When are we taking our yearly vacation?” my littlest ball of sunshine asks. Yearly vacation????? I think to myself. We don’t vacation.

            I can’t take my darlings to the local grocery store without them fighting, and they want to take a vacation? Not on your life, I think. If I go on a vacation it is going to be a fight free, complaint free, kid free adventure. I am not trapping myself in a car, or on a plane, or in a boat, or on a train with my argumentative little monsters. On my imaginary retreat I will not hear:   “He’s touching me,” “She’s staring at me,” “I don’t want to do that,” “I don’t want to go there,” “Make him stop copying me,” “Make him stop copying me,” “I have to pee again,” or “Are we there yet?”

            My idea of the perfect family vacation comes a lot closer to fruity summer drinks, a cabana, a massage, and a pool boy (ok, he’s negotiable). Ha, you're there already. Well, wait for me. I have to get my bikini. Hey, it’s my fantasy vacation, so I get to be a size two.

            “So,” my littlest bundle of positive energy sucks me out of my perfect fantasy escape, “when are we taking our yearly vacation?”

            Not wanting to disillusion my youngest bundle of love because he is the only one who still thinks I am fabulous, I say, “Remind me honey, where did we go last year?”

            “The same place we go every year,” he explains to me in the same voice he uses when we go visit his ninety-eight year old papa, “Seattle.”

             “You're right,” I lie, “now, I remember. We had so much fun, didn’t we?”

            I know, I know, it was wrong, but who am I to strip him of his treasured childhood memories. Even if they aren’t real, they are good ones. And believe me, he’s gonna need those fake ones. The reality around here isn’t so pretty.

            And we actually did go on a vacation to Seattle a few years back.  So, it isn’t like a complete lie. Well, the yearly part is certainly a fabrication. That one and only family vacation inspired me to develop the perfect family vacation criteria.  

            But I can’t break his sweet little heart with these sad truths, so I sadly explain, “we probably won’t make it this year, sweetheart. Oh, and before I forget, we lost the pictures of your first birthday party.  But, in case you can’t remember, We had a clown.“