Monday, March 25, 2013

My Pharmacist


           Is it so wrong to wish that I had married a pharmacist? I have been doing some research and now believe it could be very beneficial to be married to a pharmacist. Don’t start looking up rehab phone numbers for me. I do not have any sort of dependency. I simply want an anti-psychotic.
            Don’t get all freaked out. I have traveled the World Wide Web and I have self-diagnosed my psychosis. I should clarify that my doctor (I called him) doesn’t recommend random internet searches, but he doesn’t know what I am dealing with here.
            According to the dictionary, the definition of psychosis is a loss of contact with reality, a psychiatric disorder such as schizophrenia or mania that is marked by delusions, hallucinations, incoherence, and distorted perceptions of reality. I have that!!!! I really think I do.
             I am delusional! I actually think when I wake up in the morning that my children are going to mind me. I wake up every day, hopefully optimistic that they are going to follow the rules and not do the things they know they aren’t suppose to do, like: cut the dogs hair, paint their toenails without grown up assistance, or color on my cream colored leather couch.
            I have hallucinations! I thought I saw my child using a pillow case to hang upside from the railing of his bunk bed. I will admit that I shut the door and screamed that no one had better be hanging upside down when I open the door, which may have sounded a little incoherent. When I opened the door, no one was there. I am serious. Now, I kinda think I heard giggling from beneath the bed, but I can’t be sure. I sometimes have hallucinations.
            I talk to people who aren’t there! I was digging in the flower bed apologizing to my beloved, but deceased, Grandmother. I kept apologizing to her because I found her treasured silver spoons buried beneath the flowers. I don’t know how they got there. Am I starting to concern you now? Can you see how I came to this self-diagnosis?
            I know I have a distorted perception of reality! I keep thinking that somehow these crazy little people are going to grow up and return the love and affection I have showered on them  since they were babies.  I think my teenager just informed me that he hates me, again.
            Do you think I may be crazy? If so, do you know a pharmacist?

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