Please don’t
judge me, it was a complete accident. I swear. I actually stumbled across it
and once it happened. I just couldn’t seem to stop doing it. I already want to
do it tomorrow. Stop it; you're making me feel guilty. Alright, I will start at
the beginning…
My husband
snores. Oh, I don’t mean that cute little sound your husband might make as he’s
dreaming his nighty-night dreams. It’s more of a catastrophic sound that makes
you want to smother him with a pillow and try for an insanity defense. It is the
kind of racket that shakes the walls. Even the dogs two houses over have been
known to howl. I am not exaggerating when I say that previous neighbors have
complained to landlords. I don’t blame them, if I didn’t love him I would move.
So out of
desperation I bought ear plugs and they were amazing. I bought nice soft ones
in pretty colors and I think they may have saved my marriage. They certainly
saved my husband’s life. I haven’t whacked him in the ribs since I started wearing
my new bedtime accessory. I haven’t lodged myself against the wall and heaved
with my feet until his coma-like body falls completely off the bed. I haven’t
had to drag my pillow and blankie to the lumpy couch and suffer lower lumbar
pain as well as sleep deprivation. I haven’t slugged my husband upon his
bright-eyed wakefulness and left him wondering if I am on my period, yet
again.
OK, OK. I’ll
tell you what I did; I might-have-sorta-kinda left them in all day yesterday
because as an added bonus, it might-have-sorta-kinda muted the kids too. Yes, I
kinda feel bad. Hey, I already begged you to not judge me.
I don't think anyone should judge you for wanting to sleep soundly when your husband snores that much. Ear plugs are truly amazing little devices that could eliminate loud noises and save your hearing. Well, in your case, it did save your marriage. By the way, haven't you thought that your husband's very loud snoring could be a sign of a health risk? I hope you'd see to that.
ReplyDeleteDarren @ Ear Peace